July 18th, 2006

我需要輕鬆一點

Posted in 記憶 by renatus

忘我的工作過後,感謝好友的肺腑之言,我深深體會,原來我最需要的,
就是要輕鬆一點

我總是在提醒自己,不能把自己糟糕的一面暴露在其他人面前。太概是因為初中時被人排斥過。從那時開始,我就刻意想改造自己成為更好的自己,不會在人前發惡,逼迫自己一定要勤奮上進,要做個好人,要成為一個很好的人。總之要很好很好,要不然是不會有朋友的。

事實上,這樣的刻意做就了一個不懂得放輕鬆的自己。漸漸地,我對事的嚴肅態度給予周遭的人很多壓力,凡事太過認真,該放鬆時也不放鬆,造就了我說的不少掃興說話。太過保護自己,刻意想做得完美,物極必反,這種刻意就成為了別人不易接近我的原因。

感謝rika和Lam,謝謝你們告訴真實的我是怎樣的。

可以的話,我想從現在開始,習慣放鬆一點。這樣的想法雖然很簡單,但對我來說,要實行並不容易。我明白人與人之間,除了靠順其自然地互相了解外,根本別無他法。但畢竟已經習慣了那種生存方式,雖然了解問題所在,但卻對改變感到了切身的恐懼。

以後的我會變成什麼樣子呢?

今天第一次嘗到趕job的滋味,聽說只算是小兒科,以後陸續有來,
還真令人期待(?)呢。

放工後到了HKUspace的畢業展,匆匆忙忙走了一個圈,有些得著。晚上跟Javin、thomas、金水、Kay、阿K、rika、Lam、企鵝吃晚飯,又上了一堂世界設計通識。我發現自己每次跟Javin吃飯,就會不其然希望Javin給自己上一堂設計通識,而每次都讓我的奸計得逞(笑)。之後,大伙兒再到Times square附近的上樓cafe聊下半場,當中我聽到很多公司的事情,全部都讓我目瞪口呆。Thomas的用心,我是明白的。
我能做的,大概只有繼續努力吧!

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