October 5th, 2006
真心的感謝
對不起，我一直都沒回覆這裡的留言。
其實我並不是不想回，而是根本不知道要怎麼回。回覆留言，表面上就跟日常生活跟人對談一樣，我問你答，你問我答，卻是因為每個人的真心或多或少總會跟現實環境有所衝突，遇到這種對答的衝突，我們都會為了表面的和平，虛偽掩飾自己的真心。
然而在這裡寫下的，卻是在心裡一直吶喊著的句子，是不敢在平日說出去的句子。寫這種文章的感覺，彷彿是接通了夜深的電台節目，在沒人看得見自己的情況下，把想說的，想像過的，希冀的，全部說出來。或許我並沒有渴望被誰聽見，但是卻會知道在這個世界上，一定會有人看見，看見赤裸的自己。就因為這個原因，才會把心事往網上堆放。
而最不同於電台的地方，是這裡會有回應心中的說話的人。回覆留言跟真實對話，乍看起來一模一樣，我問你答，你問我答，但當中還是有差別的，那個差別，就是真心。跟在網上寫作的動機一樣，回覆留言，不會有掩飾自己真心的說話。因為在網絡世界裡，儘管看見了問題，卻是未必一定要回答的，如果自願去回答的話，那就一定是真心地想說些什麼了。
留言是真心的說話，如果只用客套說話回覆，那就跟虛偽掩飾自己的真心的日常沒有分別了，無法接受。
如果說要用真心去回覆，那也太難。太多對的說話，太多好的道理，很多人都跟你說過，那一切你都是明白的，可是知易行難，雖然明白，要做到卻不是件容易的事。在還未能釋懷的時間裡，就向回覆留言鼓勵和教導過自己的人說謝謝．一切都太虛偽，太不真心了。
無論如何，我一定要跟大家說句多謝，但，請等我，等候那個真實的自己說出的，那句最真心的感謝。
店員 says:
總覺得你有點自閉傾向, 所以沒回覆留言也不感到意外. 其實你的問題也不是一兩句鼓勵的留言便可以解決. 我比較相信時間是解開心結的唯一方法. 當人成長了, 便學會接受, 生活會過得輕鬆一點. 你還年青, 長路漫漫哩.
其實很想找個機會與你見面詳談一下, 吹吹水, 舒緩一下心情. 畢竟我這些屬於 ‘長者’ , 或許對於你的問題會有所解答.
有機會的, 我相信.
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