October 5th, 2006

真心的感謝

Posted in 記憶 by renatus

對不起,我一直都沒回覆這裡的留言。

其實我並不是不想回,而是根本不知道要怎麼回。回覆留言,表面上就跟日常生活跟人對談一樣,我問你答,你問我答,卻是因為每個人的真心或多或少總會跟現實環境有所衝突,遇到這種對答的衝突,我們都會為了表面的和平,虛偽掩飾自己的真心。

然而在這裡寫下的,卻是在心裡一直吶喊著的句子,是不敢在平日說出去的句子。寫這種文章的感覺,彷彿是接通了夜深的電台節目,在沒人看得見自己的情況下,把想說的,想像過的,希冀的,全部說出來。或許我並沒有渴望被誰聽見,但是卻會知道在這個世界上,一定會有人看見,看見赤裸的自己。就因為這個原因,才會把心事往網上堆放。

而最不同於電台的地方,是這裡會有回應心中的說話的人。回覆留言跟真實對話,乍看起來一模一樣,我問你答,你問我答,但當中還是有差別的,那個差別,就是真心。跟在網上寫作的動機一樣,回覆留言,不會有掩飾自己真心的說話。因為在網絡世界裡,儘管看見了問題,卻是未必一定要回答的,如果自願去回答的話,那就一定是真心地想說些什麼了。

留言是真心的說話,如果只用客套說話回覆,那就跟虛偽掩飾自己的真心的日常沒有分別了,無法接受。

如果說要用真心去回覆,那也太難。太多對的說話,太多好的道理,很多人都跟你說過,那一切你都是明白的,可是知易行難,雖然明白,要做到卻不是件容易的事。在還未能釋懷的時間裡,就向回覆留言鼓勵和教導過自己的人說謝謝.一切都太虛偽,太不真心了。

無論如何,我一定要跟大家說句多謝,但,請等我,等候那個真實的自己說出的,那句最真心的感謝。

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69 comments

  1. 店員 says:

    總覺得你有點自閉傾向, 所以沒回覆留言也不感到意外. 其實你的問題也不是一兩句鼓勵的留言便可以解決. 我比較相信時間是解開心結的唯一方法. 當人成長了, 便學會接受, 生活會過得輕鬆一點. 你還年青, 長路漫漫哩.

    其實很想找個機會與你見面詳談一下, 吹吹水, 舒緩一下心情. 畢竟我這些屬於 ‘長者’ , 或許對於你的問題會有所解答.

    有機會的, 我相信.

    October 7th, 2006 at 8:00 pm

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