November 16th, 2006
LIE
為了一件很普通的事撒了謊，還是個會傷害人的謊。
不肯被拆穿，明知道是自己不對，但仍然妄想砌詞蒙混過關，話說出口的下一秒鐘已經在後悔了，但還是虛偽得咧嘴假笑著離去。我實在為自己的笑感到噁心無比。曾以為自己已經足夠堅強了，活了二十有一年，還以為自己成長了許多，已經懂得承擔，也學會背負。誰想到自己不過是為了一件雞毛蒜皮的事，就把一切是非黑白通通拋諸腦後。
觀照自己，原來是個如此懦弱不愖的傢伙。
想起來，其實我也很少在人前坦率自己。儘管我對多數的事情都是直言無諱的，但只要涉及自身的陰暗面．我總會拚命否認，拚命隱藏。因為自己曉得自己有多糟糕，有多差勁，那是連自己也無法接受的，更惶論別人可以接受自己。故此，我最害怕被拆穿的，或許並不是這件事，而是真實的自己。
我實在很討厭自己。
最後我是有把真相告訴當時人的。大概是想為自己的謊話負上責任…不，「負責」好像很動聽吧，而我所用的途徑卻是毫無誠意可言的SMS。
一直以來，看了不少素黑的書，故此我是明白自愛有多重要的。可是面對如此不愖的自己，又教我如何能談得上自愛呢？
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